Steps to Take If You Suspect Manipulation in Your Marriage
Manipulation in marriage happens when one spouse uses guilt, control, or psychological tactics to control or have the upper hand over the other. Unlike in normal couple fights with minor disagreements, manipulation often leaves the victims feeling confused. You end up thinking that you are constantly at fault, which can significantly affect your mental health.
If you suspect this is happening, it is important to take the necessary steps to recognize your spouse’s manipulative behavior before it escalates. By doing this, you can respond thoughtfully instead of being trapped in the unhappy cycle of manipulation.
What Are the Signs of Manipulation in Marriage?
Manipulation is subtle and not easy to recognize at first. Some of the common signs include:
• Being frequently guilt-tripped when you try to express your needs
• Gaslighting, such as making you question your memory or perception of events
• Silent treatment or emotionally withdrawing to punish you
• Financial control, such as restricting access to money, especially if the other partner is the breadwinner
According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, manipulation worsens over time and is a form of emotional abuse. Therefore, learning how to spot the red flags is the first step towards protecting your well-being.
Reflect on Your Own Feelings
The second step is reflecting to gain clarity. You can do this by keeping a journal of the situations or instances that feel manipulative. Write down what was said, how you felt, and how your spouse reacted. For example, if a spouse changes the password to the joint bank account after an argument.
If you notice that you feel guilty, isolated, or afraid to share your opinion, then this may be a sign of manipulation rather than the aftermath of a typical conflict. It is important to validate your own emotions so that you don’t dismiss your concerns.
Educate Yourself About Manipulation
Understanding manipulative tactics will help you find the words to describe what is happening. Whether it is love-bombing, which is overwhelming affection, or isolation from friends and family.
Being aware of these behaviors helps people respond with clearer boundaries. Additionally, by learning these patterns, you are less likely to blame yourself.
Try Open Communication
Most victims of manipulation wonder, should you confront your spouse directly? Well, open communication helps, but you must be very careful. Use calm and assertive statements like “I feel hurt when my concerns are dismissed.”
However, avoid any emotional confrontations that could escalate to more manipulation. If the behavior feels unsafe, it may be better to avoid confrontation and instead look for help outside.
Who Can You Turn to for Support?
Next, get support. Talk to trusted friends or family who can give you a perspective. Support groups, both in-person and online, are also valuable because they connect you to people who have gone through similar experiences.
Individual therapy can also help you learn coping strategies and decide whether the relationship can improve. Having outside voices who you can trust and understand what you are going through ensures you are not only relying on your spouse’s narrative.
Set Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries are all about protecting your mental health. Decide what behaviors you will no longer tolerate. For example, you don’t want to be yelled at or pressured into decisions. Then, communicate your boundaries clearly.
You can say something like, “I will not continue with this conversation if you raise your voice.” Following through with this consistently is crucial if you want your boundaries to be effective.
Seek Legal Help
If manipulation crosses the line to emotional and financial abuse, consider consulting a family law attorney. A lawyer will help you understand your rights regarding property, finances, or custody if separation becomes necessary.
Key Takeaways
Manipulation in a marriage can be very draining, but taking the following steps can help you protect your well-being and create a safe space:
• Recognize the signs of manipulation early
• Reflect on your feelings and validate your experiences
• Educate yourself about the common manipulation tactics
• Communicate and set boundaries
• Get outside help from friends, family, counselling, or legal options
