Do People Still Slide Into Your DMs When They Want to Date You?

The answer is yes, and younger generations are doing it more than ever. A recent study found that 2 in 5 Gen Z respondents met their partner through a DM slide, which is 11% higher than those who met through a dating app. The swipe-based platforms that dominated for years are losing ground to something older and more familiar: a simple message sent through social media.

Dating apps have worn people out. A 2024 Forbes Health survey reported that 78% of dating app users feel emotionally, mentally, or physically exhausted from using them. That fatigue has pushed singles back to Instagram, TikTok, and other platforms where they already spend their time. The DM has become the new opening line.

Why Dating Apps Lost Their Appeal

The numbers tell a story of abandonment. Between 2021 and 2024, Match Group, which owns Tinder and Hinge, lost 80% of its market value. Bumble faces similar struggles. Users are leaving, and the reasons are consistent across interviews and surveys.

Matchmaker Germany Fox told PopSugar in 2024 that her Gen Z clients describe dating apps as “dead” and say “the waters are polluted.” They complain about ghosting and catfishing. The curated profiles and endless swiping feel transactional rather than genuine.

An Axios and Generation Lab study from October 2023 found that 79% of college students and other Gen Zers are forgoing regular dating app usage. They prefer meeting people in person or through social media they already use. A 2023 Statista survey showed that daters between 30 and 49 make up 61% of dating app users, while Gen Z accounts for only 26%.

What People Are Actually Looking For

Not everyone sliding into DMs wants the same thing. Some are searching for casual flings, others for long-term partners, and a smaller subset are looking for sugar daddies or other specific relationship types. The approach tends to vary based on intent, but the method stays the same: a like, a reply to a story, then a direct message.

Gen Z and millennials tend to be more open about their preferences upfront. They state what they want early, which cuts down on wasted time and mismatched expectations. This directness has become a feature of DM culture rather than a flaw.

Instagram Became the Dating App Nobody Downloaded

Instagram has over 1 billion monthly users. A survey conducted by the platform found that DMs rank among Gen Z’s top methods for getting closer to someone. One survey of 37 straight men found that 8 of them, all Gen Z, were using Instagram instead of dating apps. A 25-year-old participant called Instagram “the biggest dating app on the planet, period.”

The progression follows a pattern. You like a few posts. You reply to a story or two. Then you send a message. The approach feels less forced than matching on an app because there is already context. You can see what someone posts, who their friends are, and what they care about before saying anything.

Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, a sex and relationships professor at Cal State Fullerton, describes sending a DM as “a form of digital flirting” that works well for younger millennials and Gen Z because they grew up comfortable with technology in personal relationships.

The Fear of Rejection Still Matters

A Hinge dating trends report published in February 2024 found that at least 95% of Gen Z users on the app fear rejection. Over half said that worry has stopped them from pursuing potential relationships.

DMs offer a lower-pressure entry point. The rejection, if it comes, happens privately. There is no awkward moment in a bar. No silence across a dinner table. You send a message and wait. If nothing comes back, you move on.

A Pew Research study found that 72% of teens spend time with a romantic interest online before meeting in person. Direct messages have become a first step rather than a later one. The conversation starts there, and if it goes well, it moves somewhere else.

The Rules Still Apply

Experts say the same guidelines work for DM flirting as in-person approaches. Read context clues. Be polite. Accept a “no thanks” without complaint. Do not take being left on read personally.

A DM works best when there is already some connection. You have been following each other. You share mutual friends. The message does not arrive from nowhere.

Relationship scientist Rachel Vanderbilt advises people to choose the right platform. Instagram is appropriate. LinkedIn is not. She notes that people still try to shoot their shot on professional networks, which rarely ends well.

The Success Rate of Online Relationships

Couples who meet online do not appear to fare worse than those who meet offline. Research shows that 5.96% of marriages that started online ended in separation or divorce by the time of one survey, compared with 7.67% among couples who met in person. Participants who met online also reported higher average marital satisfaction.

A 2024 SSRS poll found that 61% of adults believe relationships that start online are as successful as those that begin in person. The Knot surveyed nearly 17,000 couples who married in 2024 or planned weddings for 2025. About 27% said their relationship started on a dating site or app.

The Etiquette of the Slide

Sliding into DMs carries some cultural baggage. The term can bring to mind unwanted advances and inappropriate messages. But done with care, it resembles striking up a conversation at a party. The setting is informal. The stakes are low. And if there is mutual interest, it can lead somewhere real.

The concept of slow dating has gained traction since the pandemic. People take their time getting to know each other. They prioritize connection over speed. A DM fits this approach because it does not demand immediate action. You can reply when you want. The conversation unfolds at its own pace.

When millennial and Gen X singles described their dating habits for 2025, they mentioned seeing friends-of-friends online and sending a harmless message. Swiping up on an Instagram story can be read as platonic or flirty. That ambiguity makes the first move easier.

Where This Leaves Dating

Most socializing still happens online. People scroll through feeds, watch stories, and come across existing crushes or form new ones. The DM slide is the bar-side approach adapted for screens. It works because it is personal without being intrusive, direct without being aggressive.

Dating apps are not dead, but they are no longer the default. Younger generations have found another way, one that feels more natural to how they already communicate. The message lands in the same place they talk to friends, share photos, and follow people they find interesting. That proximity matters. It makes the ask feel smaller, even when the intention is serious.